we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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