who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
