cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
