We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
