I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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