she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
