I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
