If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
