seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i came on her dog
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
