Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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