Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
