Swine flu. Run for my life!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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