Non-Jews are for practice
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
