My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
