Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
