i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
