the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
