Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
