i just sent this text using only my big toe
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
