i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
