May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
