i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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