ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
