Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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