I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
