where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
