I've blown a few things in my day
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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