I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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