So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
