look no pants
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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