After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
