i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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