I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
