First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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