you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
