I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
