Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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