She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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