I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
