i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
