You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
