I look better un-naked...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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