In the future we'll all be gay
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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