Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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