I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
