a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
