OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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