I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
