I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
