matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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