She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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